As I enter my third trimester with bebe W #2, I find myself reflecting on my long, very frustrating, exhausting, and exciting initial journey into motherhood.
First, let me start by saying that I am telling our story here because when E and I were going through everything, I had never felt so alone. I wish I would have been able to be more open with my friends and family about our infertility. I am sure that some of my closest friends are reading this and are shocked that we went through this. We really kept our situation to ourselves. It was so incredibly hard. If you are reading this and going through something similar, just know, you are not alone!
So, let’s start at the beginning. When E and I first got married (now, over 6 years ago) we were in no rush to have kids. We knew we wanted them, but we also knew that we weren’t ready for them right away. We got married when we were 26 and 27 years old, respectively. E was still in dental school and I had just started working as a lawyer. We wanted to be married for a few years and enjoy each other’s company, just the two of us, for a little while. We also wanted to travel a bit before having kids. And we did just that. While my friends were having their third and fourth children, E and I were wandering the globe, visiting Thailand, Cambodia, and Japan.
Once E (FINALLY) finished dental school, we decided to “pull the goalie” and see what happened. Fast forward two years and nothing was happening… To say we were frustrated would be an understatement. Were we too old already? Too late? After many crying breakdowns (for me), we made appointments with our doctors to see what was going on. Unfortunately, our regular doctors didn’t have any answers for us. They explained that nothing was medically wrong with either of us. We had unexplained infertility. What the heck is that?! They suggested we see a fertility specialist.
After doing some online research, I found that RMA, otherwise known as the Reproductive Medicine Associates of New Jersey) had the best reputation locally. I made an appointment and off we went. E and I underwent a battery of tests, including a semen analysis and hysterosalpingogram, after which our doctor suggested that I have a hysteroscopy and laporoscopy, both of which are surgical procedures. A hysteroscopy is a procedure that allows your doctor to look inside your uterus to check for abnormalities. A laparoscopy is a surgical procedure that allows a doctor to see inside of the abdomen to check for abnormalities. During each procedure, the doctor has the ability to remove any issue spots.
I am VERY afraid of needles (I locked myself in the bathroom at age 12 because of a TB test), so the thought of having surgery was not at all exciting. In fact, the morning of the surgery, I was crying like a baby (ironic, huh?) about the IV they needed to give me, while a five year old boy in the bed next to me was getting his IV without any fuss, like a champ. I don’t remember much of anything from the hysteroscopy and laporoscopy. I just remember waking up and E driving me home. My recovery took a few days and I was back to work and life. It was so strange. The doctor said that the procedures were a success and that we should try to get pregnant the old fashioned way for a couple months. If 6 months passed without getting pregnant, we were to come back and discuss our options.
Unfortunately, 6 months passed without a pregnancy. We made our way back into RMA and discussed the two options available to us. We could start with IUI or jump straight to IVF. While IUI was significantly less expensive, the success rates were very low. Due to a variety of factors, one of which was $$, we decided to take our chances with one round of IUI. If it was unsuccessful, we would revisit IVF.
As I mentioned above, I HATE needles. But I wanted to become a mother more than anything in this world. I was willing to push through the pain. I couldn’t bear the thought of giving myself shots every night, so E helped me. It was horrible, but all of the pain, suffering, despair, and sometimes even probably a touch of depression, all disappeared when we heard that little heartbeat for the first time. We were VERY fortunate that our first IUI was successful. The doctors had originally said that our chances of becoming pregnant through IUI were only about 30%.
9 months later, we welcomed Nathan into the world and our lives changed in the best way possible. It was a long, arduous road, but we are so happy to be here!
